YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
