Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize