before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
