You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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