Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
