hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
