If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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