My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
