i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
