i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
