I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
