just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize