so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
