you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
