He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
