woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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