Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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