i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
