I wish I could punch you in the face.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
