I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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