Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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