I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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