he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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