ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
