there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
