i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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