her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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