I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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