I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
