Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
