His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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