took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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