I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
