And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
