I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
