Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
