Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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