so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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