just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
