**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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