What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
