I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize