ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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