Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You ruined the universe
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
