she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
