i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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