is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
