last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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