DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
