Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
