I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
