Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
