dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
