i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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