I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
