my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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