What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
