You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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