not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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