A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize