I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
