YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
