Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
