i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
