If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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