our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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