i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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