My sheets look like a crime scene.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
