I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
