tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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