apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
