Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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