Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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