when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
