I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
