I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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