She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
