I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there's paper in my vomit.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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