i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
