i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
