You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize