After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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