I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
