oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
