I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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