another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
