So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
