im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
