i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
