All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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