your parents love me but you hate me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
