just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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