i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
