When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
