Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
