y did u give ur computer a hand job?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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