Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
