I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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