On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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