he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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