Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize