I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
