C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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