I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
