"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
