how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize