We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
